Wednesday, 8 October 2008

Sex and the City

Most mornings and evenings, over a cup of coffee or tea, my house mates and I talk about love, sex, life, etc. We do not always reach a conclusion to our debates, but sometimes merely posing the questions and discussing them, is answer enough.

On this specific morning, my house mate Elle and I were talking about boyfriends. And on the need girlfriends tend to have to change them, in minor or major ways. It has struck me that if we are talking about our brothers, or merely male friends, we are willing to accept them for who and what they are -however flawed. The moment we are interested in a guy, on the other hand, we instantly have this need to fix him, so to speak. And posing my question in a Carrie-esque way, I could not help but wonder if there is a way for girls to just accept their boyfriends like we do our brothers.
Elle pointed out that the moment that happened, it would mean that we had started feeling only brotherly love for our man. And I agree. The moment we give up trying to change them, is the moment we "give up" on them, and no longer care in the same way. Or am I forgetting something? So the distinction between our brothers/male friends and our boyfriends is clearly a border between different kinds of love.

The question I am left with, is this: is this what true love is? -This obsessive need to change our man?

And to make something clear: the goal is not necessarily to actually change him. Rather it is a project, an ongoing thing.

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